Well, I was right. I think I was in shock or something because today as I was buying flowers and food (did I mention I'm hosting a baby shower tomorrow in the midst of all this chaos?) at Costco, I started bawling.
Just all of a sudden I thought of R lying there in that bed with her sweet face, and I lost it.
It still feels like she is in danger somehow to me. I don't know why. Maybe because I was secretly scared she had leukemia for a week before they took her to the doctor. Maybe because I don't always trust doctors. They've been wrong about my own medical conditions in the past. Maybe I won't relax until she is home safe and sound.
Hopefully soon she will be at my house playing with her 4-year-old auntie and her 39-year-old grandma and it will be "normal" again. We are a different sort of family I know, but we are a family nonetheless.
My stepdaughter's mom and my son-in-law's parents arrived early this morning so I've let them all be together at hospital today. Miss R needed all her grandparents. It worked out as I needed to have a meltdown at Costco!
Thanks again to all the support. Usually I am the one giving it and it felt good to receive some of it.