Pain is part of my everyday existence.
I suffer from chronic pain. It resides primarily in my neck and hips, and I also often have pain in my shoulders and lower back. I sometimes have shooting pains in both arms and legs.
I have mild scoliosis. Some doctors have told me my pain is muscular damage only. Others say it is in my head. Most give me a fibromyalgia diagnosis.
I have been in 6 car accidents, fallen down stairs twice and had a C-section without a working epidural. Of course I have some back pain, right?
I have experienced minor pain relief from various things: hot bath, deep tissue massage, physical therapy, pain meds, Thai massage, muscle relaxers, pilates. I have tried Western medicine and Eastern medicine. I've changed my diet. I've changed my pillow.
This past year I really thought I had pieced together a plan that helped make my chronic pain tolerable. I started seeing a physical therapist twice a week, did pilates once or twice a week and had a massage every other week. I am not an exercise person so this was major for me to commit to this plan.
For awhile it was working great. I actually had good days some days.
About 3 months ago, I eliminated one physical therapy session and added working out at home with a trainer for an hour twice a week.
About a month ago, my pain increased again.
Today I did not have one hour that was pain free.
And I found myself annoyed with Miss CC. That is not like me. I normally am very patient with her. Tonight I was annoyed by her always tickling me, talking disrespectfully, asking for treats over and over, putting off bedtime.
I did not yell at her, but I was obviously annoyed and she sensed it and cried. I hugged her and reassured her, but the damage was done.
So now I am in severe pain AND FEEL GUILTY!